It is the first Saturday in the New Year. The day did not start very well, and actually I have to admit that this time it was a bit my fault. Again I just wanted to be alone and George wanted to do something together and in his way help me. I was not very happy about the help and my answers to all his questions were very short and sharp. At some point he exploded and... it got very dangerous. I will not go there, but it was the second time that I got really scared of him... After some time of stress and fear we managed to have a discussion about us and our marriage and we came to an agreement that we will try again, that we will treat each other with respect and try to make our relationship work. As George mentioned, at the end if we get it working, we can prove to the world and to ourselves that two people can make things work, they can live together, even if they are completely different, incompatible and there is no connection between them. When we got married our agreement was that the marriage will be based on respect, friendship and trust - my marriage was a very practical one, not based on so called 'big love' and all this. There is some kind of love, but not the passionate one. And I will keep to all the promises I made, I will treat him with respect and as a friend, I will do my best and I hope I will never betray his trust and I will never disadvantage him financially (his biggest worry). However, I have never promised that I will give up my happiness and that I will destroy my life...
After this drama, I was working with the cattle (my hand got a bit better). I got 10 of them locked in the yards. All together we have 12 animals, actually 13, but one just came from somewhere so it is not really ours... It was quite funny when I let my pets out and counted them when they came out of the bush – all 12 were there, perfect. Suddenly, I heard mooing in the bush. I counted all my pets again and again – all 12 are in the paddock going to the yards. And then a poor neglected creature came out of the bush. Of course, no chance to get him into the yards. He is actually a wild animal. One of our neighbours keeps some cattle on his property but does not look after them at all – he has not been there for about 3 years. This little guy has big scars on one of his thighs, no tags in his ears, is not castrated and does not know anything except the bush. Humans are so strange and scary for him. So he stayed outside the yards, Skittish and Curious also were not game to stay in the yards (Curious actually was in the yards, but run out when he saw me coming).
So I had 10 animals in the yards and I think my work went quite well today. I did the mouthing of the 5 older animals and the 5 new animals got fly-tags (to help reduce
the amount of flies on their faces). I was surprised to see that one of the older cattle does not have any teeth – only milk-teeth. He is two years old, so by now he should
have 2 teeth – as the others have. Anyway, maybe he is younger than we were told when we bought him. I also checked their general health and took some photographs of them.
Piggy (the one which has a white face and taking into account his breed should have black around the eyes, but he is white also around the eyes and his eyes have a pink
frame, so I called him Piggy)looks quite OK, but his friend Boldy has a suspicious growth around his eyes. I will take the photographs to a vet next week and ask what it is.
Work with the animals is a great experience for me – as I said already before I love being with them. Though sometimes it can be slightly unpleasant... At some point today when they were waiting in the forcing yards and I tried to rearrange them, they started kicking. There was no chance that they could hit me, so it was safe, but there was plenty of dirt on the ground and all the faeces ended up on my legs... This reminded me of another funny situation where I got even more covered with this “gift of nature” (everything in the field grows better with fertiliser, so it is a gift of nature ;). A few months ago I was doing brush-cutting in an area with very long grass. Somehow I did not think that the cattle were there before... At some point - the fan literally hit the s###... I was covered with the wonderful stuff and even my face was not spared, though I was wearing helmet with mesh visor (the visor probably only helped to spread the faeces equally on my face). I still have to laugh about this and even when it had happened I laughed – it was so bad that at the end I could only laugh.
OK, back to today. During my work I observed the behaviour of the animals – it is interesting for me to see what different characters they have. Some of them were mooing
very distressed, others did not make any noise at all but were very stressed and in panic, and some were very calm, almost like saying “ok, do your job and let me out of
here”. Nevertheless, it does not matter how they were, I was able to calm them down and do my job. Bluetag (this is the older one without teeth) was the most distressed
one. He was mooing so loudly as if he was in terrible pain. A lot of saliva was coming out of his mouth and at some point he was licking me and sucking and chewing on my
shirt. After this exercise I was quite wet.
George wanted to work together with me. Luckily he had to get some water for the animals (we give them some rain water when they are in the yards), so we did not get in each others way too much. When I was working on the last animal George tried to help me... It was quite dangerous as he simply does not understand the “language”. He reads a lot of books about farming and tries to follow the procedures, but... It is not how I work with the pets. I just “feel them” and by instinct I know what to do. Nevertheless all the operations were completed without any stress.
Not long after the animals were done Penny came. She brought us bread which she baked herself – it was delicious! We had lunch together, washed my car and after this, spent some time at the little dam. It was a beautiful time of the day – late afternoon, few clouds on the sky, the sun almost touching the hills behind us. Darcy was playing in the water – I have never seen her so happy and playful. She was swimming and jumping in the water, trying to catch some plants and therefore putting her head under water. At some point she wanted us to get to play with her, she was running between us, shaking and splattering the water on us. I tried to ignore her, but it was not possible – she started “talking”, it is when I got up and started throwing her some sticks in water. She loved it but after a few runs and swims got a bit tired, so we could continue our discussion.
Penny told me a story about her brother. He was quite a romantic man. Loved his wife and every day brought her a rose. She was taking the rose without even saying “Thank you” as if her husband's gesture would be something normal and obvious to do. One day he did not bring a rose home. In an irritated voice she asked him “Where is my rose?”. Since then he never gave her a rose again... After over 20 years of marriage they divorced. She took everything, not only financially but also the family. He did not have any contact with his children. He was devastated and hated all women. For him all women were monsters wanting to use men (I can understand his attitude). At the same time their very close friends also decided to go their separate ways. At the end he and the woman from the friendly couple got together. They are not married, but living together and going to be together as long as they are happy. Over 20 years passed since they got together and obviously they are still happy as they are still together. And his ex-wife... She got together with the man of the friendly couple. And they are also happy together. The husbands switched their wives and everybody is happy - like in a soap-opera, is not it? If this was in a movie everybody would say “This only happens in a movie, but not in real life”. Nevertheless, it was not in a movie, it was in real life.
Do you remember, Buddy, one time we talked about movies and how some people do not really enjoy them, do not get involved in them for “this only happens in the movies”.
As I said that time, I find it really a pity, as I believe that everything that happens in the movies can happen in a real life, we just need to believe it. OK, maybe
except for science fiction movies – though even then who knows what will happen in the future, a few hundreds years from now. Some old science fiction movies are not
fiction any more, they are the reality.
On New Years Eve, George and I watched a romantic comedy “New Year's Eve”. George found it stupid and even got annoyed with the section where somebody is telling New Years wishes. For him it was stupid and annoying as people are wicked and bad and all that they say are just words. Nobody wishes anybody anything good. These are just words which are said because it is the thing to do.
I enjoyed the movie and I know, Buddy, that you would enjoy it as well. It made me think a bit about my life and how I am, what I wish for myself and others in the coming year. And I also liked that all people in the movie were happy at the end. The lonely woman had a lot of fun during the last day of the year and got a kiss at midnight. The wish of the dying father came true and he watched the New York Times Square ball drop and the fireworks with his daughter from the roof of the hospital. And all the couples, which were for different reasons separated, came together.
I know it is only a movie, a show with a happy ending to make us feel good. Nevertheless, for me my life is like a movie with a script that I am writing. Every day I am adding a new page to my manuscript, it is why, how tomorrow will be depends on how I live today.
And the type of movie I watched on New Years Eve gives me hope and faith for tomorrow,that together gives the strength for today. For me if somebody was able to think about these perfect scenarios it means that there is a slight chance that all this can really happen in real life. What are the chances that, not being able to speak German, I will be included in a group of students with fluent German language skills and I will be sent to Germany? None. But the reality was that I was included in the group, the documents were signed and I was sent to Germany and it is how all my emigration started. All I had was hope and faith. And it is the same with the movie – I just hope and have faith that one day in my life, the last scene of the movie will come true as well.
The last day of the year I spent... mowing. I know I should not do it with my hand looking like a balloon, but I put a compression bandage on my hand and it was OK. I need physical work as it helps me to get through the day. Another thing which I like to do is writing, but... It is quite inconvenient to type with only one hand...
I was thinking about all my New Years Eves in the past, how I celebrated it. Since I met George there have not not been any celebrations – we go to bed at the usual time
(not later than 10 pm) as... there is nothing special about the day. If I want to stay till midnight of course I can, but somehow by myself there is not a lot of fun...
I remembered the few New Year's Eves which I had with Adam. They were great. We did not go to any parties, we just wanted to be together, only us nobody else. Sometimes
we went somewhere to watch fireworks, but usually we stayed at home or, when we were away skiing, in the apartment we resided in during our holiday. You see Buddy,
I am the type of a woman who does not like crowds and loves to be with just the one man who loves me and whom I love and with whom I have a special connection. Yes,
just two of us and nobody else. And if I cannot have it then... I always have my dog and I am happy with her. However, I have to admit that she is not the best
partner to celebrate New Year's Eve. She had her dinner at 6 pm, went to bed straight after and was not going to move for the next 12 or 14 hours. So this year I had nobody
to celebrate the beginning of the new year...
I also remembered other New Years Eve celebration, many years ago, which was quite funny. I was in my early 20-ties. With my friends we wanted to go and watch fireworks in the city. The problem was that there were a few places organising special events and displaying fireworks. We could not decide where to go – the best would be to see all of them. And it was what we did... You have to remember that I lived in the mountains.. We prepared torches – not electrical ones, but middle age types of torches, with a flame - and we went to the mountains. It was cold, snow above our knees made the walk really challenging. It was quite dark, though the reflecting white snow gave us enough light to at least see where to go. Finally after a few hours of marching we made it to the position we wanted – on an old shut-down ski slope. The fireworks show was spectacular. We could see not only the few events in our city, but fireworks in all neighbouring towns. And after the colourful lights stopped appearing on the sky we started our journey back home. I was so tired that I do not remember much from our journey home, except that we had to walk, as there was not any public transport what so ever and that the first part of the journey was quite good, as it was sliding down the hill.
This was my celebration of the last day of the year and the memories of the past New Years Eves. I hope you had a great New Years Eve surrounded by your family and I wish you and your family all the best in the New Year. And above all I wish for you to gain control over your emotions and to not let them control you any more. I wish that you find yourself, who you are and what you want in life and that all your wishes come true in the future. All the best for you and your loved ones.
Lots of Wings,