Thank you for your email – I expected it... Am I hurt? Yes, of course I am, but... I knew it will happen... It is not the first time and not the last time that
I am going to be hurt, so... please do not worry about me, I will survive – I am strong :)
And there was a reason for me to be hurt. You see Buddy, I always wanted to write a book to tell people how I went through the most difficult time in my life – the first year after Adam left me. I wanted to show people that it does not matter how much you are hurt and how difficult life becomes, you still can be happy and life will go on, even if it is put upside down and never will be the same again. I just did not know how to write about love and the pain if I cannot feel it any more – now I can, so I am ready to write.
Do you now understand Buddy, why one time in an email, I wrote about “another woman”. I wrote: “It might seem stupid, but do you know what I am afraid of? I am
afraid that one day another woman like Dora (not me) will come along and you will get into the same trouble again – only it will be much worse...”. It was NOT because
I am jealous, it was because I expected to receive the email I got from you yesterday... I expected that you will break contact with me, because of fear of your own
feelings (sorry, I could not say it before as it had to happened, so that you can understand... everything I said in the reply email was true). A woman like Dora,
I mean a woman who will want you for herself and she will find the ways to do it, like Dora did. And what I would like is to see you strong and happy, regardless of which
woman you choose to be with. I just wanted and still would like to be your friend, that's it (I definitely do not want any sex-affair or “catch you” or whatsoever). My
feelings are true and genuine and they are definitely not just emotions (people struggle to understand what true feelings mean).
And I also know that we cannot run away from problems, we have to face them and solve them. We cannot run away from our feelings and emotions, we have to get emotions under control. For me it feels that you are still running away and trying to hide from your emotions. When you will be able to see me as your sister (even if your feelings for me should still be strong and turn out to be true feelings and not just emotions) and introduce me to your wife, then you will know that you have got your feelings and emotions under control. And then your self-esteem and self-respect will be built on a strong and solid foundation. Until then – just be careful...
And do you know, Buddy, why I wanted to see you last week? Yes, I wanted to give you the letter and hoped that you would read it before you go for your holidays (and of course I like to see you), but there was another reason as well... I wanted to receive the good-bye letter before the holidays, as I knew that it will be easier for me to have the two weeks on the farm with my animals to come to grips with it. Yes, it hurts to lose a friend... I knew that if I would do what I did (be there unexpectedly on Saturday) it will remind you of the Dora situation and at the end you will write the email... It would be harder for me to receive it when I was in the office.
It is beautiful how you write about marriage in the email and about me and George. You should use exactly what you told me to fix your marriage. In my case... there are a few things “different” therefore... We will not talk about this now. One thing I want you to know is that it is not me pushing George away, I am the one being pushed away. And I will definitely support George and help him through his depression, but... there are other things I have got to know and... they are very, very painful for me, but I have to accept them, as they cannot be changed (no, nothing to do with another woman). Anyway, I just want you to know that I am not pushing George away and I will support him as much as I can, and I will not divorce him and I will never cheat on him.
I also want you to know that I will stay your friend and I will be there for you if you need me. What Vince told me I am telling you”...if you are lonely... I care... if you need space... you will have it...” You know where to find me, you found me already before. And now you have my email and phone number, you can write to me or talk to me whenever you like, if you are down and need somebody to talk to. Should you write to me I will replay through the website... And I would be happy if you tell you wife about the website...
You can be sure that whenever I am on the property enjoying myself with Darcy and the other animals I will be thinking of you and your four-legged friend playing happily...
I wish you and your wife a merry Xmas, all the best in the new year and have a safe holiday with a lot of fun. And remember, that you both are always welcome here on the farm...
Good bye Buddy...