It is peaceful Sunday morning. There is some haze on the horizon which made the east look a nice pink before the sunrise. And later the sun, like a big red ball, emerged from behind the hills. Today there are not many animals around, just a crow cawing loudly and a magpies singing their morning songs. All the parrots are probably on our fruit trees around Shed 1. They finished already all our cherries and apricots. I love all birds but the fact that they eat all our fruits is bit annoying. They could share a bit with us ;) We have only 1 peach tree protected (actually I have not put the netting yet, but at least the structure is there. I should put the netting soon...) All other trees are open to the birds... I will put some “x-mas decorations” on some of the trees – from my experience last year I know that the parrots are not big fans of the decorations and in this way we have a chance to get some fruit.
I knew you would understand my email very well :)
Only in the section where I said that for some boys I love you means I want to have sex with you I meant more that some people do not differentiate between falling in love with someone and loving someone. I would have plenty examples of this but I just give one. When Adam threw me out of the house there was a boy at work (in his early 20-ties) who tried to cheer me up saying that his long-term relationship also fell apart but at the end it was not so bad. He loved her very much but he overcame the loss. You have to know that his relationships were usually around 6 weeks long (sometimes shorter), the longest he ever had was 3 months and of course he loved all the women very much (he probably could not even count them all not to mention to remember their names...). And sexually he was somehow... over-active... I mean there were only two things he enjoyed – computers (he worked in IT – not difficult to guess; and actually he was very smart and good in IT) and sex. About 80 percent of his talks were around sex and... quite vulgar. And the peak was when one time during a Christmas party he got drunk and was... as he described it making hamburgers from a particular part of man's body (I was not at the party but I was shown pictures from the party... Quite disgusting, and for me not funny at all).
I do not think that his understanding of love and our understanding of love can be compared...
I like your comparison to a fruit coming to season. So I changed my description – now it is like a custard apple (one of my favourite fruits) – not much taste when picked to early, but very sweet when picked at the right time and every time you eat it it taste even better :)
And I love the way you write, so direct and from heart and honest. Because of your way of writing I can always be sure that you understand me properly. And I
know that whatever you write is what you would like to do or to have but at the same time I am aware that at this stage not everything is possible. So please
do not worry that you give some false hope – I know all the boundaries and difficulties and I just would like you as a friend. I do not want to be additional
stress and burden for you. As you said in your email because of our circumstances today there are some limitations to our relationship – what we can and cannot
do. And for me it is fine as we still can have the best part of our friendship – we can talk to each other, write emails, care for each other and spend some
time together even if it is limited. And at the same time we do not hurt anybody and we do not do anything wrong.
I love to write to you as I love receiving your emails. The only thing I do not like is to put you into a stressful situation, back to the feelings of hiding something and double life (what happened on Thursday... though our situation is very different from your relationship with Dora...). I hope we can solve the problem somehow and stay friends and in contact and you will not be stressed about this. As we discussed the best would be if your wife gets to know me, but it will not happen overnight...
I would like you to be free and happy. As you know at some point I was in a situation where I was afraid of anything and everything – all the time afraid that I could do something wrong to the point that I did not even know what is right and what is wrong... And it did not matter what I did he was never happy, always angry with me. From time perspective I can say that... it was good that at the end the decision was made for me – I had no choice I was thrown out on the street I did not need to make any decision... It was extremely hard and painful and difficult and everything, but I survived and now... I am happy, I am happy and calm inside me. Yes, George can be difficult and so on but one thing he cannot do – destroy my spirit and change me. The only thing he will agree with me is that I have not change a bit since the day we met (and he hoped I would; this is the problem... Most people forget that the only person we can change is... we ourselves. We cannot change others). The happiness and freedom are one of the best feelings one can have and therefore I wish it to everybody and especially to somebody I feel so close as I do to you.
I was very tired – you saw me on Thursday how tired I was. On Friday when we went to town I had some break and chat with Penny which was nice but after I had to go shopping (I thought retail therapy is for women, but... obviously I was wrong. George loves going to the shops...)... I hate shopping it makes me very tired and usually I avoid it quite well and do only grocery shopping, but not this time. George wanted that we go together to the shops. So like a faithful puppy I was following him from shop to shop. And then we came to the shop with electronics where George wanted to show me different types of cooling systems. OK, if it makes him happy I can go - thinking “just buy whatever you like and lets go home”. So George and two guys in the shop were showing me all the devices and explaining how it works and I... noticed the big TV screen behind them which was showing some nature program and subconsciously started watching the program. The birds shown in the program were much more interesting than all the devices. But then George said “It looks like she is not really interested in the devices” - and I felt embarrassed again – everybody noticed that I was ignoring them and watching TV. But actually it was not my fault – at the end George wanted me to go to all these shops.
It was quite funny in the park with Penny and Darcy. Usually when we go to the park we go for a walk. But this time it was very hot and Penny was tired so we decided to sit at a bench. Darcy waited patiently for some time but then it got too long for her. So she started to climb on the bench and tried to get our attention. It did not work very well, we pushed her away few times so then she started... talking. She does not simply bark, she makes very funny noises. And at the end we had to take her at least for a short walk to the creek where she could get wet and cool down a bit. She was very happy and we had a good laugh with Penny.
On Saturday we continued building our yards – prepared the ground with diamond-grid. It went quite well. But I was so tired that any minute I had to wait for
George I fell asleep. One time I slept on the ground using rock as a pillow (I noticed it after I woke up). The morning however was not too bad – George was
doing his stuff instead of watching me and telling me every movement how and what to do, so the work went very good and we finished setting up the grid around
lunchtime. Then I slept for over 2 hours – George tried to wake me up but I simply could not get up though I was sleeping on the verandah on timber floor – not
very comfortable. George got a bit annoyed that I sleep so much so in the afternoon he was cranky and was watching every movement I did and telling me what and
how to do. Usually it is annoying but because my brain was asleep anyway it did not bother me too much. We had to fix the quad bike tire – on average every two
months I have flat tire.
(BTW I check the tires on the Jeep and they are OK; these are light truck tires and they all have 43psi... Maybe the light in the parking area made it look wrong)
It was quite a hot weekend here – today (Sunday) again 34 degrees on the verandah. But now some storms passed and it got cooler. We did not get any rain but
at least the temperature dropped.
Today we finished setting up the forcing yards so it was quite good. I wished I would be stronger and could set it up myself without all the stress – he gets upset because I do not have as much strength as male body-builder... Anyway, at the end the day was not too bad. Next week we should get the rest of the yards, so hopefully in a couple of weeks this job can be finished.
BTW I do not find it boring when you talk about trading. I would like to learn and understand more about trading but somehow at this stage do not have many opportunities to do this. Therefore I cannot make any comments about this, but I enjoy listening to you.
Lots of Wings,