I do not know where to start to write the email. There are so many things I want to tell you, but I cannot write everything now because my time is limited...
Always remember that what should happen will happen in its own time. And the key to success and happiness is... patience. And though the patience might be bitter, it fruits are always sweet.
You know what was interesting today. As I told you before I was preparing breakfast and then suddenly somehow I thought about emails and I came to check my emails and while I was looking at the screen your email came through. As if I could feel that you are sending it...
In the morning the weather here was not very inviting – very cloudy and foggy and actually cold. We did not get much rain, but even the misty fog we had gives
the plants some relief from the relentless sun that should come again soon.
I did not feel like getting up today in the morning so I stayed in bed until 5.30 am thinking about... yes, you know... I should get up and write the email... And because I did not I ended up with a headache - it always happen when I stay in bed too long.
When I went to let out Pinkie and his friends I actually wanted to take Ant with me, but then I decided that I do not want to talk about him at home so he had to stay in my office and I went with... the person I wanted. I have a question about Ant (I still think it is an Echidna – now I know how to spell it :) - could I give him a second name? Would it be OK if I also called him Buddy? If you do not like it is OK, I will not do it...
The weather changed and the sun came out. There are still a few clouds in the sky, but most probably they will be gone soon and it will be quite a hot day. We will need to do some watering before we go tomorrow.
I told you a few days ago that I usually sleep very well and hardly anything bothers me. When I am tired I go to bed and fall asleep immediately. And wake up at the time I want to (I hardly use any alarm, I just tell to myself what time I want to wake up and it is when I wake up). I hardly ever have had problems to sleep. But from the beginning of October I noticed a strange thing – sometimes I will wake up in the middle of the night and I cannot sleep any more. And I am thinking about... you know what. And I could not understand what is going on. But later you told me something and now I know what is going on... Tuesday to Wednesday night I woke up at 3.40 am and I could not sleep any more. I stayed in bed for an hour as 5,5h sleep is not enough for me, especially if I have a long day ahead ;) and got up at usual time before 5 am. It is how I know that you had a few beers that night...
But I do not think that you are a loser, not at all. I know that the situation you are in is very hard for you and you are doing very well. I admire how you are
able to keep your composure all the time and sometimes even I get confused what you really feel (just for a second) and it makes me even more shy. I only can
see in your eyes what you really feel and what you are going through... (But it is quite difficult when it is dark ;) And as you know I can feel it as well...
I would like to give you strength to go through all this, but somehow it does not look that I am doing a good job... It is almost as if sometimes I would take the strength away from you... at least that particular evening... I hope I will be better in supporting you and giving you the strength you need.
You know very well how I feel about you and how much I like to spend the time with you. My feelings for you are true (not just emotions) and because of this I will never do anything which could bring you into any troubles or stress. The time we have might be very short, but it is great and there is nothing that could stress us afterwards. And if we want to keep it and not lose it (and I think it is worth keeping)... it is actually quite simple (in theory at least) – we just cannot do the one thing to not overstep the line... And it is not because “the thing” is something wrong, but because it is not the time for it. As I said before in my emails there is time for everything in life and we just need to be ready for it. Whatever should happen in the future it will happen in its own time. And now we should use the time to get ready for the future. And if you give me a hug or hold me tight or even give me a kiss it is definitely not overstepping the line. Just think about me as about your sister whom you love very much – then nothing “bad” will happen. I know it sounds very simple but it is not so easy to do... Especially not after all the experiences you had with Dora... And I also know that for woman to control this emotions is much easier than for a man, because of how nature made us... But I also know that like with everything in life it needs just some practice and practice makes perfect... Part of the freedom and happiness I talk sometimes about is to control our emotions and not to let them to control us. It is not going about “killing” them but about controlling them.
That evening in the car I could see that something is not quite right, but you always keep your composure so well, so I thought that you are... getting stressed that you will be late at home... I should not think too much, I had better keep to my intuition and feelings :)
I spent already a few hours to try to write the email to you so I had better send it now and continue a bit later. Yes, you are right, I put some effort into these emails so it takes some time to write them. They are very important to me because you are very important.
Maybe I can write a bit later today, and probably I will, but I am not sure if I can send it today if it gets too late... Maybe I include it in the email I will write in the next few days and send on Tuesday...
I hope your day is going well.
Lots of Wings,