I feel better now knowing that I could get you embarrassed ;)
Let's not talk about money – I know that you are not poor. You just got a bit back from the position you were before. That's it. But I know that you easily get back where you were- you are too smart not to get there (unless you do some more emotionally driven mistakes...)
I am not interested in money as such and I am hopeless in talking about this – for me these are only numbers – thousands, hundreds of thousands, millions... Does not make any difference. I can feel and understand only emotions... I cannot feel money... From my point of view somebody who is forced to move out from 30 million dollars to 3 million dollars will feel as devastated as a person who has to move from 3 million dollars to $300 k house and they will feel as devastated as a person who lost their house and is thrown out on the street. These are just different numbers. We all get used to different things and standards in life and loosing it causes the same emotions. I know stupid, but it is who I am. And I always get somehow confused when I try to talk about money – maybe because I do not have much experience with it ;) I hope you understand what I am trying to say...
I was practically almost on the street and without any money and I survived. What is important for me is love, family, true friends, happiness, good health
and all these types of things and does not matter how many thousands or millions of dollars I have on my bank account this will not buy me anything which
is important for me.
And in the previous email I just tried to tell you that I do not talk much with George about what we are writing about. And also show you how logical or practical minded he is – what I find on one hand quite funny on the other sad. I do not lie to him, but I also do not discuss things which he will not understand.
You said in you email that before Dora came along you were completely satisfied in your life. Were you really? Or you had everything that society and others
tell you you need to be happy and when you have it all you have no reason to complain. Did you have somebody to talk to about your investments, about your
feelings, about your stress and your happiness? Did you have somebody who was every morning happy to wake up next to you and kiss you good morning? And
every evening go to bed with you and kiss you good night? Somebody who told you how much she loves you and was willing to make love with you for hours?
Somebody who just wanted to be with you because of who you are because of the love of you, to be with you no matter where? Did you have all these in the
last months before Dora came along? Or how many years passed since you experienced all this?
I do not think that you were very happy in your personal life, your love life and you threw all these away just to be with Dora. But I might be wrong...
And what people say... When I got together with George my mum was terribly upset. Such an age difference! “4-5 years it is normal, but not more” - she scream at me on the phone. “And you and dad – it is 12 years difference?” - I asked her, “OK, 12 years is still OK, but not more. 22 is much too much”. You see, what she told me is what suits her, what is right from her point of view and for her. But not necessary for me. Her experience in love is different than my and I know she will never understand me properly.
I do not listen to what other people say, I mean I hear what they say and then before I act I think about what they said – are they right? Do they understand me and my needs? Is it good advice for my life? Or are they saying what I should do because of their expectations and the expectations of society? I learned from experiences of many people and from my own experiences, but all decisions I made were my decisions, not based on other people opinions... I did not have choice in my relationship – this decision was made for me. But still it was my decision how I dealt with it and how I progressed later in life.
I know that you love Dora, but... even there could be some questions which at some point you will need to ask yourself... I would like to write here more what I mean, but the time is passing too quickly... I will write about this another time.
I wanted to answer your question in regards to my love-life, but it got too late. I can only say that for me it is wonderfull to make love if I really love, but I cannot do it if the love is not there. And if there are times that the making love does not exist, it does not bother me too much, as I can just adjust my way of thinking. At the end everything it is just in our brains and how we control it...
I really would like to help you if I can and I am happy to talk to you whenever you like. And as you know I like you a lot as well. A lot of big hugs to you
and see you tomorrow.